***Trigger Warning for Child Abuse***

If you are a parent you need to watch “Quiet on The Set”. It’s a tough watch, but super important.

One thing to note, is that the parents who tried to say something or felt something was off were ostercized…turned into enemies and made to seem “difficult”.

However , there was one parent who had tangible proof and could have prevented so much but were blinded by their own dreams and were living vicariously through their child and too afraid to stand up and say something (or sadly enjoyed the success more than their child’s well-being).

Unfortunately, I have experienced many types of abuse in my dance background and have made it my life’s mission as a dance teacher (and parent) to protect all children…despite being painted as “difficult”.

So what can you do?!

1. If something feels off for your standards DON’T IGNORE IT. Abuse comes in many forms. Sexual, Physical, Financial and most often Emotional.
2. Often times Financial abuse will be used in correlation with other forms of abuse. Many abusers use Finances as a way to make the victim feel as they “owe” the abuser something. Many of those Nickelodeon kids were the breadwinners of their household and knew that getting fired would severely alter their families lives financially.
3. Don’t wait to be validated in your concerns from others. Not everyone has the heightened sense of enlightenment to see that they are being manupulated. And many aren’t willing to admit it. Most are too afraid of what others think to be the one to step away. Often times people are “trauma bonded” and won’t leave because of the community within the abuse or they’re afraid of “what people will say”. This happens often in churches sadly.
4. Abusers are extremely good at manipulation and gaslighting. Stand true in what you know even if you’re standing alone.
5. As a parent if you have any concern (big or small) and if they will not be addressed (lack of communication, deflection etc) take note. If small things will not be addressed, how would a serious allegation be handled?! As someone who was a student of someone arrested for CSA, MANY concerns were reported with no action until a larger scale infraction was proven. Looking back (as an adult) the writing was on the wall the whole time but no one would listen.
6. LISTEN to your children and take note of behavior. If they all of sudden are very uncomfortable in a situation, they may not be able to communicate it effectively (especially if they are very young). Do not make them feel as though they are being dramatic. YOU are responsible for your children and no one else’s.
7. Stand with your children. Good teachers, coaches and instructors will take the time to explain and communicate WITH parents present. Be careful of anyone who is unwilling to allow parents to be present if concerns are discussed. Don’t allow an adult on an ego trip to have full, unsupervised access to your children.
8. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. There’s a Walt Whitman quote that I Love…”Thou Doth Protest Too Much”. An innocent person often will not go to the lengths to defame, discredit or
   Dehumanize any concern. Take note that if someone’s immediate reaction is to deflect rather than come to reasonable conclusions or compromise. Then you need to automatically assume they are guilty and trying to take heat off of themselves and act accordingly.
9. Cut Ties. This one is easier said than done, but don’t be afraid to cut ties. Immediately. No life lesson regarding “quitting” is worth breaking a child forever. This one is hard because often times “quitting” means that gossip, lies and defamation will happen for you and your child. There have been a few instances where my children have been labeled as “quitters”, But I don’t care. They have learned the valuable lesson that they don’t have to stay in terrible situations just because they said they would. This applies to toxic work environments, domestic violence and more. No one should ever be made to feel that they have to endure serious punishment or abuse for the sake of appeasing others.
10. Don’t assume it can’t or won’t happen (insert place here). It does. More than you know or realize.
11. Question everyone and everything. Don’t automatically assume everyone is “good”. I’m not saying to look at everyone like they are a criminal, but truly vet people before they have access to your child. Make them earn their access. And if they have long standing rumors against them, keep that in the back of your mind.

12 .When in doubt, check it out. The internet is a great place to learn about people and their character (and I’m not talking dredging up stupid mistakes from the past/parking tickets). Most people allowing large scale situations to go unhandled (as well as pretending things are fine/not happening) will likely turn the other cheek and not acknowledge when large scale crimes happen.

13. Recognize habits of lying. Anyone willing to lie about little things will have no problem lying about big things. Make sure you keep all written forms of communication. You never know what you’ll need for evidence.
14. Pay attention to those who blur lines between “friends” and adult mentors. Sometimes being the “cool” adult is the grooming mechanism to open the door to more. Pay attention to adults going behind parents back, and any adult who is allowing adult substances or allowing adult situations to happen around children specifically without the parent being present or aware.
15. Don’t be blinded by celebrity. Most recently two very popular “dance convention darlings” were arrested on heinous crimes of using their celebrity to sexually Assult and molest victims. Know that and don’t assume just because they’re a “celebrity” or “big name” that they’re good people. Again, monitor all access and be present.
16. Stop caring so much what people think of you, your child and your family. Your child is more important than the opinion of others.Frankly, their opinion is none of your business.
17. Watch out for people who allow bullying, harsh jokes and any behavior deemed unacceptable to children (even from other children). Comments like “you’re just sensitive” or “I was only joking”, are often used to make the child question their instinct and abusers use that language to create confusion and self doubt in the abused mind.
18. Stay away from people who use the excuse “that’s just how I am” or “that’s just how he/she is”. People unwilling to see the error of their ways and refuse to evolve in life are often people who will excuse abuse, or make excuses for their abuse.
19. Don’t ever allow anyone to have full control over your child’s life or decisions. You are the parent. If someone doesn’t allow you to question anything it’s a HUGE 🚩. Operating out of fear is a dangerous place.
20. Look around when things get tough and align yourself with people who will stand WITH you and not bow under pressure. Those are the people worth your time.
21. Allow your kids the space to question things and even argue. Groomers and abusers seek out the “good kids” and “rule followers” who often will blindly follow adults just because they are adults. Allow your kids to create boundaries, and question logic even if it makes you uncomfortable. You’re raising adults that will be able to speak for themselves and children who won’t allow tricky adults to manipulate them when things don’t feel right.

I’m sure I forgot many things, so feel free to add to this list in the comments.

It takes a village, and unfortunately you can’t trust everyone within the village to have the same morals, values and standards.

So please be careful.

Your children deserve it.

Listen. Dressing for success is the goal here. As a dance teacher I have to do my best to encourage my dancers to have a vibe. How can I do that if I don’t have one myself?!

Everything I wear must check all of the boxes.

Can I move? Check.

Is it comfy? Check.

Can I feel a VIBE in it? CHECK.

It will be a sad day when the weather changes and I switch my hat game. But until then, I’ll be slumming around in my Cozies. Teaching the youth how to dance and be good humans.

Hope you all had an amazing weekend!

Easter is on its way!

All of these items were found at Target and this is #unsponsored. So I promise I just picked these things out of love and convenience (Target is pretty close by). All photographs are used in effort to describe the product and are linked below.

It’s always been a long-standing tradition to include other things thank just candy and junk in our Easter baskets. Since we have a large family, we often use holidays like Easter to get necessities that we would buy anyway (new swimsuits, crocs, flip flops etc).

*we have had years of plenty and years of few and we know we are super blessed to be able to fill out kids Easter baskets this way. This post is in NO way meant to make anyone feel some type of way. But it is meant to help with ideas if you’re stuck!

Here are some go- to items that we are looking at to fill the baskets this year.

1) Sidewalk Chalk

If there’s one thing we LOVE to do, it’s be outside. We also love using chalk, but have a really bad habit of leaving it outside to get rained on and ruined. This adorable set is affordable, but comes in an awesome carrying case so you don’t do the rain/ ruin tango like us. Click here to grab yours Here.

2). New Swimming Suit

This one is a need that we can check off the boxes. I’m absolutely loving these suits with the puff sleeves, as my kids have officially started to boycott rash guards, but are pale as heck. This my friends is what we call compromise. Grab your cutie swimsuit here.

3) Sunglasses

I mean, are there any other options for a fabulous 4 year old?! HEARTS ARE THE VIBE

4) Flip Flops

We all need shoes. Controversial opinion, my kids have always loved these but demand as royalty for me to cut off the backs so they make the “flop” sound. You can be the judge of how you destroy the value of a product, but I’m here to say that these do have the allure of “big kids” flip flops with one snip of the scissors. Just a PSA. Grab yours here.

5) WET BRUSH MINI

As a former hairstylist you think my life would be together in our brush game. But guess what. It’s not. We can never ever find a brush. So that means we’re all using the same one. Luckily we haven’t had to battle lice, but if you want to take down the Strickers, that would be our Achilles heel. Because we would all have it in 2.2 seconds. So in order to correct my ways, I’m turning over a new leaf in hopes we can find a brush. This one is perfectly sized for little hands and heads. And detangles like magic.

6) Toy of choice

Ariel is always a fan favorite. And can easily become a pool toy. You’re welcome.

7) Lip Gloss

This one tingles my millennial spidey senses. My 4 year old wants to be just like her big sis. So Lip Smacker is a perfect go to. Add unicorns and it’s everything.

8) CANDY…DUH

Lastly, we know we will be adding candy, because we aren’t heartless humans, and let’s face it, Easter candy is top tier.

Hopefully, some of these ideas are useful, and can translate into a great Easter basket that serves multiple purposes getting us ready for summer! If it’s not your vibe, that’s okay! Leave a comment if I forgot anything, or if you think a 4 year old would vibe with better!

4 year olds are a vibe.

Seriously, the love of fashion but pickiness about food…create a mood storm like NO OTHER. Not to mention the trying to be exactly like their sibs?!

Truly something special.

But Raimie Jane’s favorites right now are, rainbow colors, soft fabrics (can we say VELOUR), purses and faux phones.

Things she isn’t feeling? Ponytails, extravagant hair accessories, foods that appear healthy or look too different from plain noodles, and having to deal with her brothers.

Sometimes four gets a bad rap, or gets forgotten in the path of growing up, but I’ll tell you, hearing the big thoughts that come out of her little mouth are a favorite part of my day.

Luckily most of her fashion vibes can be found at Target. As for the attitude, that can be found on the daily right here.

One thing about me is that I’ll never be an adult.

I mean yes I’m 37 and like 10000 kids call me mom, but if there’s one thing about me…I’ll never grow up.

When I was a kid and people would ask me what my favorite color was, I would always hesitate and answer like 5. Pink…mint green…lavender…hot pink…mustard I couldn’t leave any of them out for fear of hurting their feelings (and yes I know colors don’t have feelings).

But I can say with 100% certainty that my favorite colors were never gray. Or beige.

This is in no way trying to insult people who love those colors and feel alive in neutrals.

I’m not those people. Neutrals make me feel like I’m trying to be like everyone else, but just not as good.

Let’s face it a small house with 6 kids and lots of dirty hands, my version of clean will never meet Instagram worthy standards. It’s just not feasable.

Color covers dirt. Color covers grime. Color brings me joy and since my husband has given me full creative control to create I have gone full Palm Springs “Trixie Motel” with minimal complaints from him and for that I’m so thankful.

While I do find myself swooning over picture perfect trendy houses, I can’t help but fall in love with the spaces where people have curated and made their own. There’s nothing more that I love than figuring out a way to make something vintage, something handmade, something kitch, and something from Target work together hand in hand.

I also like to have a rule in my house that everything needs to be either heirloom quality or cheap and I can’t live my life freaking out about something being broken.

Except for my disco balls. They create such a VIBE, but no worries Amazon to the rescue if they meet their fate.

Here we are. Another Homeschooling year.

Except this year it’s different. I’m sending my oldest two BACK to school after 4 years homeschooling. They started in school, so it was like a family reunion of sorts. But with germs. Lots of germs.

Breaking up the band was Bittersweet.

But it was time.

So now I’m left with 4 littles at home (3 homeschooling) and let me tell you, the calmness of the first day/week was a bit terrifying. We are actually being productive. The kids are quiet…engaged…and really dig the “nerdy” homeschooling activities that their older brothers would “side eye” me for.

It’s astonishing really.

Min is 4th grade, Si is 1st grade and Raimie J is Pre-K (and thinks she’s the boss of the outfit). And one of our main focus’ this year is handwriting.

I was lucky, my older two learned to read and write somewhat legibly before we brought them home.

This 2nd wave never attended a school and their only experience has been homeschooling and while their teacher is decent she’s been a little bit lax on the expectations of clean, clear handwriting.

She is me. I am the teacher.

Thanks to A Reason For and their awesome programs, they make handwriting and the development of proper technique fun! These books are easy to comprehend and my kids DID not want to put them down. Their easy to follow instructions gave the kids accountability and the ability to move on to the next activity as needed.

To purchase A Reason For Handwriting click the link here. And use the code jesse20!

Wrinkly tablecloth not included.

I’ve always had a hard time putting a name on my decor style.

Eclectic. Colorful. Maximalist.

All of these are true, but SO much of my style has evolved from necessity. I tried so many of the trends and they just didn’t fit or serve our family.

As a big family of 6 (in a small house that we are staying in for the near future), I’ve realized that while White looks amazing in photos, lots of hands/ plaster walls tell otherwise during the day to day.

Houses shouldn’t make MORE work for us on the daily…they should serve us and hug us when we come home.

Enter COLORFUL walls and the mantra of “using what you’ve got”.

Color covers. It’s as simple as that. And for a house with a ton of people that is worth it’s weight in gold. While I LOVE the results of a good Magic Eraser scrub (#notsponsored), I’m thankful that using quality Clare Paint (#notsponsored) has made painting a breeze with minimal/ no cleaning!

While watching the HGTV special “Barbie Dreamhouse” I realized that my decor choices are similar to Barbie. Color palette and all. Thankfully my Ken is all for it and embraces the fun.

Home is where we LIVE. So make it serve YOU.

My Husband Lost His Job… Again.

You’re supposed to be grateful. You’re supposed to be Perfect.

Supportive.

Not ONLY Supportive, but In Fact ,the BIGGEST Supporter of Your Husband’s Dreams. Number 1 FAN status. Foam Fingers…Ticker Tape Parades…All of the Above.

So what happens when you do all of that and it fails? You forgo your job opportunities, educational experience, networking connections and more to BE the supporting cast.

And you’ve done a damn good job of it…until you haven’t. Until it all falls apart…for the 2nd time.

My super independent Grandma told me to NEVER depend on a man. And yet, here I am, 6 kids in and “shocked” that the rug has been swept under us again.

I feel so stupid. How could I let this happen?! Every opportunity I’ve ever had to make money and provide financial security (this blog even) I put to rest so I could “do my job” as a Stay at Home Wife. I homeschooled. I cleaned. I carried the Emotional Baggage and Mental Load. I let my Cosmetology License expire. I deleted, restarted and never followed through.

Why?! Because we invested. We invested in my Husband’s Dreams. In his Education, in his Work Ethic, in making His Goals the priority. This has to work right?! After switching careers entirely (from being a Teacher to the Corporate world) he worked his ass off, Learning, Growing and Educating himself to be the best he could be at his craft. All while being an amazing Husband and Father.

And I did my job affording him the time. I did exactly what was expected of me and I tried my hardest…I am Thankful for my Husband.

BUT (and that’s a BIG BUT) I feel Resentful. I Resent this.

Please don’t get it twisted. I love the life my Husband has afforded me through his Career. Could I make that type of $$ to solely support our family? I don’t have the level of education he has, and I didn’t have the opportunity to pursue my career dreams because of logistics (we moved an hour away) and because at the time my DREAM was to be a mother. Still is. And I’m blessed beyond measure (and before you get nasty about having so many children etc., we provide and care for them WELL and will continue to do so doing WHATEVER IT TAKES).

I can’t imagine the pressure on my Husband being the sole provider for our family and this is in NO way bashing him or any choices he has made along the way.

I just can’t help but hear that tiny voice inside of my head that’s questioning if I would have done things differently had I known? As I’m getting to this point on the page I’m realizing it was a FIRM “YES”.

YES… I would’ve kept writing. I wouldn’t have let the outside noise or my insecurities shut it down. I would’ve started that side hustle. I would have chased Influencer Fame. I would have Found my Niche and I would be chasing MY DREAMS. If I would’ve continued to be ME and not gotten lost in “What I Should Be” I know things would be different. If I wouldn’t have tried to hard to be like everyone else, maybe, just maybe I could have had it all.

Maybe we wouldn’t be here…Again.

Or MAYBE I needed this to happen again to light the fire… to bring me right back here…Right Where I Belong.

Following MY Dreams.