Testing….Testing…is this thing on?

Whew. Now that we got that out of the way, I’m raring to go. Let me tell you a little bit about why I was gone for so long. 

My blog well ran dry ya’ll…and I lost control of my direction.

See, one of the things that no one tells you about when you start a blog, is that if you really want to make it a career or life, then you have to not only write, but you have to build your brand. Now, as someone that got into this because I love to write, this was news to me. In fact, when I started this space (formerly known as Random Blog Drama) I had no idea that there was even a career path devoted to this sort of thing, I was a little fish in a very big pond, and instead of actually being confident in myself and keeping it fun, I sold myself out for some moolah, and free stuff…Because in my mind, that stuff was validation. Even though it wasn’t. It was just static. It was just noise. And it became a burden. A very heavy one at that.

Suddenly I was consumed with the need to be a  “successful” blogger, and somehow… the writing, the part that I actually and genuinely loved…fell to the wayside  to a sea of review blogging, news programs and sponsored posts.And while I’m very thankful for those opportunities, they were very short lived, because just like my pre-baby jeans it just didn’t fit.

None of those supposed “validations” made my heart sing like writing always had.

I let people get in my ear. I allowed myself to listen to the whispers of those around me questioning why I spent so much time on something that didn’t generate profit. I began to care about what people thought about me. I started to let people take this place that I had created, and run me out of it. I became a coward in my own home, and I began dreading the ticking of the clock and the worry that I had ruined the passion I loved most.

Blogging is a weird career. To make money at it, you basically have to 1) be willing to pimp out your children, family, home and personal business to your readers to achieve celebrity. 2) Be an extremely talented writer and a social media phenomenon, or 3) Create your blog as a brand that can branch out into other areas such as books and other major online publications.

I know that I’m no Ernest Hemingway. I type how I talk, my grammar blows and my punctuation makes 1st graders look like Einstein. I use way too many commas (more is more right?), overuse the italicize feature,  and I ramble on and on and on and on…my college English professors are hiding their heads in the sand right about now

But the bottom line is that I love to write, and hopefully through the words vomited in this blog, you can feel the words landing on this paper, telling the stories of my heart (and of my clumsiness).

I sold my soul to the moving machine of the blog world.

And I failed.

But I’m still here.