My Husband Lost His Job… Again.

You’re supposed to be grateful. You’re supposed to be Perfect.

Supportive.

Not ONLY Supportive, but In Fact ,the BIGGEST Supporter of Your Husband’s Dreams. Number 1 FAN status. Foam Fingers…Ticker Tape Parades…All of the Above.

So what happens when you do all of that and it fails? You forgo your job opportunities, educational experience, networking connections and more to BE the supporting cast.

And you’ve done a damn good job of it…until you haven’t. Until it all falls apart…for the 2nd time.

My super independent Grandma told me to NEVER depend on a man. And yet, here I am, 6 kids in and “shocked” that the rug has been swept under us again.

I feel so stupid. How could I let this happen?! Every opportunity I’ve ever had to make money and provide financial security (this blog even) I put to rest so I could “do my job” as a Stay at Home Wife. I homeschooled. I cleaned. I carried the Emotional Baggage and Mental Load. I let my Cosmetology License expire. I deleted, restarted and never followed through.

Why?! Because we invested. We invested in my Husband’s Dreams. In his Education, in his Work Ethic, in making His Goals the priority. This has to work right?! After switching careers entirely (from being a Teacher to the Corporate world) he worked his ass off, Learning, Growing and Educating himself to be the best he could be at his craft. All while being an amazing Husband and Father.

And I did my job affording him the time. I did exactly what was expected of me and I tried my hardest…I am Thankful for my Husband.

BUT (and that’s a BIG BUT) I feel Resentful. I Resent this.

Please don’t get it twisted. I love the life my Husband has afforded me through his Career. Could I make that type of $$ to solely support our family? I don’t have the level of education he has, and I didn’t have the opportunity to pursue my career dreams because of logistics (we moved an hour away) and because at the time my DREAM was to be a mother. Still is. And I’m blessed beyond measure (and before you get nasty about having so many children etc., we provide and care for them WELL and will continue to do so doing WHATEVER IT TAKES).

I can’t imagine the pressure on my Husband being the sole provider for our family and this is in NO way bashing him or any choices he has made along the way.

I just can’t help but hear that tiny voice inside of my head that’s questioning if I would have done things differently had I known? As I’m getting to this point on the page I’m realizing it was a FIRM “YES”.

YES… I would’ve kept writing. I wouldn’t have let the outside noise or my insecurities shut it down. I would’ve started that side hustle. I would have chased Influencer Fame. I would have Found my Niche and I would be chasing MY DREAMS. If I would’ve continued to be ME and not gotten lost in “What I Should Be” I know things would be different. If I wouldn’t have tried to hard to be like everyone else, maybe, just maybe I could have had it all.

Maybe we wouldn’t be here…Again.

Or MAYBE I needed this to happen again to light the fire… to bring me right back here…Right Where I Belong.

Following MY Dreams.