You know that feeling.

When you walk up to a crowd and you know they’re talking about you.

Bonus points when you hear them say “oh look there’s the “influencer”,with extreme disdain…followed by laughs and glares in my direction.

Maybe it’s because I’m rolling up like the knife salesman in Willy Wonka, (except my version of the clacking and clanking is 4 kids in a wonder wagon packed with chairs, soccer balls, snacks , and every last bit of my dignity as I’m huffing and puffing up the hill) or maybe it’s because the people who said it are known to be the “in crowd” in our little world.

Regardless it hurts…At least for the two seconds as I’m walking by.

But then I realize I have 4 little eyes looking up at me (wedged in this wagon) and how I handle situations like this.

SPOILER ALERT…it’s EXACTLY THIS SCENARIO that I’m spending so much of my time preparing them for.

“How to handle Assholes and Jerks”.

The reality is that the Assholes and Jerks will always be there. In fact, they often grow up to be “popular” members of the community disguised in industries that claim “service to others” . They often aren’t held accountable to any standard of behavior, and they move in the shadows, making passive aggressive conversations feeling and acting like they’re better than everyone else…because they’re in control.

Let’s be real, it’s not a new concept that sometimes affluency allows people to get away with inappropriate, rude and condescending behavior…in fact, more often than not, they draw a crowd and a following, because of what they have and not who they are.

Disclaimer: I know I can be an asshole. But I’m an honest asshole. And while this may feel like a passive aggressive dig to these specific people, it really isn’t meant to be, because I know so many people who experience this in a million different places.

I’m getting to the lesson…I promise, stay with me…

But one thing I’ve noticed, is that it’s very rarely the instigator of situations that get called out or have to take accountability.

In fact, it’s almost always the 2nd person who reacts to being treated a certain way, and as a reformed “big reactor” I’ve been burned enough to know who will stand up and take accountability and that reacting big (while rightious) comes with extreme social consequences and sometimes legal ones.

Which is why when my 4 little people (who looked more like the Beverly Hillbillies coming into town) looked at me for my reaction, I turned to those Assholes and smiled with a great big “HEY” looking them dead in the eyes, and maintaining eye contact while my husband followed behind and genuinely shook hands with an excited “HELLO”!

Not because I wanted to, but because that’s the type of person I am.

The type of people WE ARE.

Despite how someone treats me, I have learned that I can’t let it change who I AM as a person. I was raised to believe that it’s very poor manners not to acknowledge someone kindly. Especially if they were all staring at me clearly looking for a reaction.

That’s how I was raised, by a God fearing, Appalachian family who believed in Southern Charm and treating people nicely. As I get older I realize that my Kindness isn’t for anyone else but ME. It takes so much more of my personal energy and effort to be nasty and frankly, I don’t have the time. It’s just not in my nature.

However, as we walked away, and my tween son asked me if I heard them making fun of me, I was honest and replied “Yes, and that while those are people who are behaving in a trashy manner, that they still deserve kindness”.

Because, point blank…that behavior is trashy. And all of the money doesn’t change that it’s trashy.

He thought about this for a moment then with his mischievous grin said “So you don’t like them?!”.

I replied “NOPE, but it would have ruined MY vibe to stoop to their level, and miserable people like that aren’t worth it”.

In that moment he realized a few important lessons;

1. Not everything is worth a fight. But by looking them dead in the eye, they immediately knew I heard. Call it out and stand tall.
2. You don’t have to like people, but you should be kind because inherently that’s who YOU are and that’s not being two faced, that’s being genuine to yourself.
3. Just because people have a big name and a big wallet, doesn’t mean they are good people.
4. That my children have permission to use their best instincts to stay away from people who behave that way and vibrate at such a low frequency and that they know when someone isn’t a good fit for our family.
5. To trust their gut on people, because the gut doesn’t lie…Regardless of the “good” they show by being active in the community or “popular”.
6. That our world could benefit greatly if people treated others kindly even if they don’t like each other, if for nothing but for themselves.

Where I live it gives Small Town Energy, and for the most part people are wonderful. But sometimes, in those environments, people aren’t welcoming or kind to people that they perceive as different or not “good enough” (and boy are we often perceived as “not good enough”).

However, you can’t change how people are, you can only change the reaction…And while it made me feel inferior for one moment, it gave me a great lesson to teach my kids.

So Shoutout to those Assholes and Jerks for “influencing” this post. Because we are all “influencers” in our story.

You included.

I think it’s time we choose to be the example we want to set forward. And I’ll do the same.

Let’s “influence” each other to be kind for the sake of being kind. No one deserves to feel badly about themselves, regardless of what relationships have looked like in the past at a soccer event for crying out loud. I mean, who has the energy at 8am?!

We could all benefit from kindness even if we don’t like each other, and maybe…

Just maybe…

Our children (the ones who truly matter) can learn and do the same.