I know that  this title sounds like sobriety reference, and while sobriety is a major deal, there’s a reason that the word clean is almost always synonymous with hard work and unfortunatly… failure.

In terms of my house, Staying clean is impossible for me. I literally hop onto the dirty wagon and ride it until socially acceptable, at least until I can get to it without all of my little “helpers” taking over. That basically leaves me late nights and early mornings to get deep cleaning done, so there’s a good 12 hours throughout the course of the day that I stare,obsess and bargain with the dirt to please please go away on it’s own,  until the kiddos fall asleep so I can tackle the job rather than enjoy the book I’m reading or better yet, the inside of my eyelids for more than 4 hours at a time.

If you come into my house on any given day, you might think that the Rapture has happened. It’s usually disheveled, and clothes are left on the floor exactly as they were removed, shoes taken off mid walk. OH and the toys. Please please don’t get me started on the toys. In our house there are toys everywhere…and not even good toys… mostly happy meal crap and other small objects sent by the universe for the sole purpose of me to step on.

I’ll admit, I’ve never been stellar at cleaning, but when you add in the disaster twins, it is almost impossible to get anything done. You might as well just start piles and make paths (heck I think they’d actually join in and help). Being a hoarder with 2 kids under three would be much easier than trying to make cleaning a “game”. They see right through that crap, but mountains of objects, Oh what fun! Sometimes I think I’d rather scale a mountain, than try to mop up a spill in front of my kids (because kids think that spills are the same as puddles and immediately hop in to investigate).

Take yesterday for instance, I was rushing around trying to be a clean machine, rocking the laundry and starting dinner, I thought I was doing great, until Theo started acting out and demanding attention. For lack of a better term, he got frustrated and hit me for the very first time. As a former educator and child whisperer, I know that kids only do that kind of stuff when they feel left out and under stimulated. I mean, I know I was busy and perhaps a little Cats in the Cradle-y, but I didn’t realize that I was so pre-occupied with cleaning that I must have left the kiddos in the dust along the way.

I’m learning that this whole parenting this is very similar to tightrope walking…you balance your ass off  or plunge to your death.Okay, I know how extreme that sounds, but my little guy felt so left out that he hit me…if that isn’t a parenting plunge, then I don’t know what is. 

I am willing to donate an organ to the mother of multiples who can tell me how in the heck they get anything done. Seriously, the joke is over. Have your laugh at the mom who can’t get her crap together and move on to the next. This joke is dead to me. Dead.

But the good news, is that today is a new day, and maybe it will be easier since my cleaning spree yesterday  put me in a place where I can move a little slower and become an active parenting figure again.

That is until the next mess explosion.

I think I need a Dr. Drew intervention (seriously, he could watch my kids while I clean).

And just like that, I go to plug in the Vacuum and it turns into a rocket ship… I can’t seem to catch a break in this joint. BY THE WAY. I’LL BE BACK SHOWING MY MUG ON LAST CALL WITH BRITTANY! THIS WEEK’S TOPIC IS …PARENTING!